Observing the Observer

With God’s grace, I don’t have to travel in the local train. So, whenever I do, I enjoy the loud noise, the crowd, the rude vendors, the fights along with the bad words, the sudden blackout that happens at andheri, fast train becoming slow and a list of other things.  I like to watch peoples reaction. The way they show their distress. The way they keep themselves amused. It is all fun for me.

Recently, I was looking at this small kid who was busy looking outside the window. The train has stopped somewhere for the past 5-6 minutes and everyone was getting restless. I wondered what was so interesting and I realized that she was counting the floors of this super tall building. She would forget where she was and start again. It was so cute to watch her like this. I think I was smiling, I don’t know the reaction of my face but it must be worth watching because I saw some lady pointing to her friend to look at this crazy lady(me) when the whole train is trying to figure out the reason for the train to stop. I realized that I don’t just watch other people, I also react and these reactions could be worth watching 😛

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I don’t know what I feel!

I don’t know what I feel!

I feel good when I watch TV, but when I come back to my problem, I don’t know what I feel.

They tell me to relax, They don’t tell me how.

They tell me to search my heart, They don’t tell me how.

They tell me to do something about this, But how? I don’t know what I feel.

I know I am scared, I know I don’t want to be.

I know I am lost,  I know I don’t want to be.

I know that my heart will guide me, But how, I don’t know how I feel.

There are options opening. Each day has a new development.

Am not sure if this is good, It adds to my stress.

I will have to make a decision soon…

Why don’t I know how I Feel???